


EXCUSE US !?

by ElliotStark



Series: Revised edition of my Steve/Tony one shots on wattpad [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bottom Steve Rogers, Crack, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Mpreg, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 16:54:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30058611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElliotStark/pseuds/ElliotStark
Summary: Alrighty it's confirmed he is doomed.After frequent nausea in morning with lot of courage Steve took a test and voila! He is gonna give birth to a kid from an unknown father, how exciting!
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Revised edition of my Steve/Tony one shots on wattpad [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2211294
Kudos: 18





	EXCUSE US !?

**Author's Note:**

> It’s a crack fic
> 
> Don’t question it
> 
> Or my sanity.

_Year 2006_

Steve slurred out an swear as he bumped with a beautiful brunette.  
Steve had the super soldier serum he had metabolism faster than reproduction rate of catholic rabbits but tonight he drank and drank to dim it down, the pain, the pain of losing everyone and everything.  
It looked like he was not the only one who liked the brunette, the brunette liked him back 'cause the next moment he knew they were kissing, making out and _fonduing_ in a hotel room.

~~~ _The Morning After_

His head hurt and he felt bile rising up his throat, he ran to the washeroom and emptied his insides out.  
After cleaning up everything hit him like a truck,he got wasted, had sex with an very attractive man, the stranger left leaving 'I had fun last night ;)' post it note and now he is having a hangover.  
A sigh left his lips, he fucked up, if he bottomed last night he might be done for life.

The thing is Steve has a rare condition, he has both male and female organs, he wasn't born with the female set, you can happily blame hydra for that...guess they are too desperate for super soldier serum.

_~~~6 weeks later_

Alrighty it's confirmed he is doomed.  
After frequent nausea in morning with lot of courage Steve took a test and voila! He is gonna give birth to a kid from an unknown father, how exciting!

~~~ _9 months_

9 freaking months he had to wait for 9 freaking months to finally hold his baby.  
_His baby..._  
He told shield and was still undercover about his existence even got help from a awesome doctor, Dr. May Parker.  
She went out of her way and stayed with Steve till the very end and it didn't look like she was leaving anytime soon. She became the first person Steve trusted in this century, she became Peter's guardian too.

~~~ _Year_ _2012_

Steve didn't wanted Peter too come in harms way so shield helped him lay a set up where Peter lived with his guardian, Aunt May.  
He did live with his Aunt for 3 days in a week the rest he lived with his papa.  
He knew that his papa was captain America, that's where he got his powers from, the spider part was mostly because his powers got a little manipulated when a spider bit him as a kid.  
He told his papa about the 'abnormal' things when he was 3 and that's when he came to know that his papa was Captain freaking America.  
What he didn't know was his father was the one who gave birth to him....

After knowing about the powers Steve knew they he wouldn't be able to stop Peter from helping the _little guy_ so he kept a condition that Peter can use his powers only after he turns 14 year old, that was the birthday he would tell peter about his birth's truth.

~~~ _Year 2015 (fuck civil war it didn't happen)_

Peter was 15 now, he has been Spider-Man for a year now and Mr. Stark's personal intern too.  
You might be wondering... how did that happen?

When he turned 14 his papa told him a truth, a truth that led him to this life.  
His father told him about the one night stand, his ability to give birth and the fact that Steve gave birth to him. What he wanted to know was who his other dad was?

He compared his DNA with every single person on shield's data base for a month and found a match.  
Tony Freaking Stark was his another dad.  
That's when he took out the internship letter from the bottom of his backpack, and told his Papa.  
Steve was also going to shift into avengers tower with the other avengers which gave him one more reason to agree for the internship, he would be near both his dads, maybe he'll feel like family.

Steve was petrified, yeah he did find Tony attractive but having a kid with him and on top of that breaking that news to that drama queen.  
There was one more secret he had, he and Tony were dating since 2013.

_~~~Avengers' tower roof_

'Tonight's the night I can do it, I can do it......I can't do it.'  
Steve was sitting in front of Tony having dinner.  
Tonight he was going to tell him about Peter, he was so focused on calming his nerves that he didn't saw Tony getting sweaty.  
He was pulled out of his trance when he saw Tony on his knees with a ring in his hand asking  
"I don't do good with speeches so...... um will you marry me?"  
Steve felt tears stinging his eyes he felt dizzy and nauseous.  
'I lied to him and he wants to marry me!?'

"Steve honey it's alright you don't need to say yes" he said running to Steve to support him stand.

"That's not the thing Tony I uh I lied to you" he cried into Tony's shoulder as the other ran his hands through the younger's goldilocks.  
"You and I w-we met b-before a-and had a one night stand, as as you know I have both female and male reproductive organs—"

"You had a kid" Tony deducted, he wasn't called a genius for no reason.  
"Since when do you know?" He asked not angrily but rather out of curiosity.

"A few months"

"How did you come to know?"

Steve chuckled "he is smart like you, he hacked into shield's database and ran his DNA against every guy present in that hotel that night."

Tony smiled at the kid's mention "I want to meet him !"

"You are not mad ?"

"Steve you gave birth to my kid how am I supposed to be mad!"

"Thanks Tony"

Tony then nervously asked again "so...... you wanna Mary me ?"

A huge grin broke out on Steve's wet face "3000 times yes !"

Tony grinned like and an idiot and slipped the ring into Steve's ring finger.  
And they kissed.

"Mr. Stark are you sure this will wo— EXCUSE ME!?"

Steve broke away from the kiss and said grinning "Tony meet Peter, our son"

"EXCUSE ME WHAT?" Came two voices at the same time Tony and Wade's who dropped by to kiss his secret boyfriend.

Peter paid no heed to wade and asked hysterically "YOU GUYS ARE DATING! PAPA WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? wait a second is that a ring? Are you guys getting married? Will my family be complete?" He was in tears now.

Tony opened his arms to take his boys in his arms and both complied.  
Their long and loving hug was broken by a voice they forgot was there.

"Are you guys done now, can I have some sexy time with my beautiful boyfriend, spidey ?" Deadpool said faking a yawn.

Tony and Steve broke from the hug wide eyed and shouted "EXCUSE US !?"

Wade muttered an 'oops' as peter face palmed.

_It's gonna be a long night..._   


**Author's Note:**

> As I said, crack fic


End file.
